Keep Hipsters Off Black Metal – Mens T-Shirt

Black metal was forged in fire, drenched in corpse paint, ritualistic fury, and just the right amount of felony. It was never meant for ironic beanies, cold brew connoisseurs, or anyone who uses the word “vibes” unironically. Enter the Hate Couture “Keep Hipsters Off Black Metal” T-Shirt, a battle cry against the plaid-wearing plague that threatens to turn raw, unholy sonic destruction into just another trendy Spotify playlist for dudes who drink oat milk and call their band “post-something.”

Front and center is a hand gripping a vicious spiked trench knife, because let’s be honest—some cultural invasions require armed resistance. The bold, uncompromising message “KEEP HIPSTERS OFF BLACK METAL” ensures that there’s no mistaking your stance against watered-down, thrift-store-approved, algorithm-friendly black metal.

Why This Shirt is as Uncompromising as True Black Metal

🔪 Spiked Trench Knife – The Only Gatekeeper That Matters

• Nothing says “get out of my genre” like a fist gripping a weapon designed to puncture posers.
• A nod to raw, violent, no-compromise metal culture, back when bands didn’t have merch collabs with eco-friendly vegan shoe brands.
• Not literally an invitation to violence—but if a hipster mistakes it for an indie zine cover, we won’t judge.

🎸 “Keep Hipsters Off Black Metal” – A Statement of Survival

• Because no one needs to hear about someone’s blackened shoegaze project featuring synth loops and a mandolin.
• A bold stand against turning grim, frostbitten soundscapes into cozy lo-fi background music.
• If your corpse paint takes longer than your girlfriend’s eyeliner, this shirt isn’t for you.

🎸 Unisex Fit – Because Black Metal Hates Everyone Equally

• Designed for men, women, and non-binary purists who know real suffering isn’t running out of oat milk.
• Pairs well with leather jackets, corpse paint, and decades of misanthropy.
• Not recommended for soft souls who think music should be “inclusive.”

Perfect for Every Occasion That Makes Hipsters Uncomfortable

• Wear it to record stores, festivals, and family gatherings where you want to get disowned.
• Guaranteed to offend at coffee shops, underground indie gigs, and anywhere someone says “I actually really like Wolves in the Throne Room.”
• An excellent gift for the true black metal purist in your life who still believes downloading music is a sin.